The Requisition Clerk's Lament

by Judith Proctor and Kathryn Andersen
(to the tune of "The Gasman Cometh" by Flanders and Swan)

'Twas on a Monday morning, the Colonel came to call,
He said "I need some duct tape; they've run out at the mall."
I said "Just fill these forms in, it'll take no time at all."
But I had to call the Major in to peel him off the wall.
Oh it all makes work for a working man to do.

'Twas on a Tuesday morning, the Major came around,
She said "I need a power source, please earth it to the ground."
I said "Please fill this form in, to keep my records right."
She said "Sure, it's no problem." -- then out went all the lights.
Oh it all makes work for a working man to do.

'Twas on a Wednesday morning the Jaffa, Tea'lc, came,
He called me Sergeant Sanderson, which isn't quite my name,
He filled out all the paperwork in fluent Linear B
So I needed Dr. Jackson, to decipher it for me.
Oh it all makes work for a working man to do.

'Twas on a Thursday morning, that Daniel came along,
With his glasses and a dictionary and an Abydonian song,
He wanted some wax tablets, which really aren't our norm
And then I found he'd signed his name in perfect cuneiform.
Oh it all makes work for a working man to do.

'Twas on a Friday morning, I finally made a start,
I dived into the paperwork, I tackled every part,
Every row and every column, but when Hammond came along
I had to say "It's hopeless, I've been cursed with SG-1!"
Oh it all makes work for a working man to do.

On Saturday and Sunday, we do no work at all
So 'twas on a Monday morning that the Colonel came to call...

(May 2003)